Reflect, Rejoice, Release

It is good to reflect. To remember and rejoice. To release any pain. Four years ago today it seemed like our hopes was dashed as funding for Pete, as a trainee youth outreach worker, fell through. Now we look forward to employing him as a fully fledged youth worker having completed his degree and training. 

As I reflect on how we got to the joyful moment I know that his journey to this point has not been simple. He and his wife have needed immense faith and courage at points. None more so than 10th July 2014 when everything seemed to have fallen apart. These excerpts from ‘Beginning Unlimited’ tell just a small part of this story.

Wednesday 15th January 2014

It feels right that now is the time to think about expanding our staff team. With just James, myself, an intern and a handful of volunteers, we all feel stretched too thinly. We were amazed when out of the blue Pete approached us to ask if we would consider him being our youth worker while he studies for a degree in applied theology at Moorlands College. He is considering giving up his well-paid job as a graphic designer in Bristol to come and work with us. He would be placed with us as a youth worker while studying part-time. He would bring an amazing set of skills, beyond his obvious love for young people, but it is a placement and we would have to pay to support him. We have no money. We think it is the right thing for us and the right thing for Pete, but he needs to make a decision and commit to his course before we can absolutely guarantee the money. It is easy for me to encourage him to step out in faith as it is not me putting everything on the line.

Tuesday 20th May 2014

Pete and Rachel have made their decision. They are in! Incredibly, the money also seems certain. The trust fund should cover all Pete’s expenses, and if not, then James has a personal guarantee that Pete will be paid. I am so relieved, I can’t imagine how Pete and Rachel are feeling.

Thursday 10th July 2014

There’s no money. Nothing. The quarter of a million isn’t coming. Apparently the board of the trust fund will not agree to it. The building project is on hold. Not abandoned, but definitely on hold. But worse than that, much worse, there is no money for Pete and Rachel. They have given up everything, their jobs and their flat and we have nothing to offer. It had seemed too good to be true. Too easy. And it was. It is as though the promise of the money helped us to dream big, and we did! We expanded our vision and now have an idea of something incredible, something which I still think God wants us to pursue. Only now it will be so much harder. As I never met the man, this all feels like a slight fantastical interlude, but James is struggling so much more. He met him. He trusted him. He liked him. He feels so let down. He is working through the feelings, but it is a work in progress. He can see that this enabled us to dream big, but at the moment James cannot be grateful for that. He feels angry and responsible for letting Pete down. Yet despite his inner turmoil and all the uncertainty we now face over the way forward, James still has a sense of peace. Maybe God has another plan.

Sunday 14th September 2014

Pete has started work for us. We have three months’ pay in the bank, but that is all. Our only hope for finance beyond that rests with two trust applications that we have made. If the applications aren’t successful, then we will have to let him go. It doesn’t bear thinking about. But for now we have a staff team of four. A weekly staff meeting has been instigated. His focus is on outreach and mission to youth, leaving James more free to run the church, to pastor the members. We hope Pete will push us outside our comfort zone and not let us stand still or get complacent. We want him to feel free to start new initiatives, to link up with youth in ways we haven’t thought of yet. I am impatient to see him do all of this.

Wednesday 8th April 2015

It is so easy to get it wrong with money. To hold on too tight and to let it become a master over you, to let fear control your thinking, your spending and your generosity. Or to go to the other extreme and trust God for everything without taking any personal responsibility. From my family I picked up a view that saving is ‘good’, spending is ‘bad’. I was never taught this, but certainly by the time I went to university this was my informed opinion. I regarded my grant as savings and did everything I could to avoid spending it. I was terrified of running out of money. I didn’t really know this was so ingrained in me. While James and I were dating, he paid for pretty much everything as I always felt I couldn’t afford to do stuff. It all came out when we got married and we opened our first joint bank account. In that account we shared ‘all that we had’ and we were both shocked to discover that I had saved £2,000 during my student years, mostly at his expense. That realisation began in me a process of trusting God with my money. Of actively walking in the opposite spirit. Of being generous, even when it felt unnatural, or sometimes even wrong. I think for me I will always struggle in this area, but I am determined to keep on growing and trusting. So I’m encouraged and surprised to find it so much easier to trust God for all that we need as church than I do for me personally. As bad as being let down over promised funding was for James, somehow I knew God had it all in hand. Being one step removed from the nitty-gritty of the application process for grants probably helped me trust in the big picture. But I was not surprised to hear this morning that all the money has come through to fund Pete for four years. Two charities are each giving us substantially more than they normally award in grants. The relief in James is palpable. I am delighted for Pete and Rachel.